Marriage is a sacred institution, and the bonds of married are not meant to be broken; at least, that is the vow that most people choose to take on their wedding day.
The bond of marriage is reinforced each day that the couple tries in good faith to do their duty to each other and to the family they have created together. While everybody has times where they fall short in terms of doing their best for their mates, the marriage bond usually remains strong and true.
However, in some cases the husband or the wife make a mistake that will stay with them for the rest of their lives: they cheat on their spouse. No matter what the reason for cheating while married, there never really is a good reason. Wrong is wrong, and there is nothing like an affair or one-night stand-type indiscretion for making things go off the rails.
If you have told your family or friends, "I found out my wife has been having an affair," there is hope that you can find a way to make things right again.
You are probably feeling a lot of emotions right now, and understandably so. It is not uncommon for people in your situation to feel pain, hurt pride, despair and even rage. However, it is very important that you pull yourself together so that you can take the right steps to figuring out the situation.
Here are 5 steps to winning her back:
1. Get the facts straight about what really happened before you talk to her:
Before you go directly to your wife to confront her with what you know (or even with what she has told you, if she has already confessed to the affair), it is essential that you first separate fact from fiction. When you imagine your wife with another man, the image in your head can be maddening. But, until you really know what happened, do yourself and your marriage a favor by not making any assumptions. Just learn the facts first.
2. Decide whether you still love her:
Unless you are against divorce for religious reasons, you may be considering the possibility of breaking up with your wife on account of her infidelity. This is a very real and understandable direction for you to take things. Before you can decide what to do, ask yourself whether you really still love your wife. And, look honestly at the answer that comes back to you.
3. Determine whether you believe you can ever forgive her:
You may not be feeling a lot of love or patience for your wife right now, in light of her recent actions. And yet, it is very important to look within your heart to see if there is any room in there to forgive her. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but someday.
4. Realize that your wife is 100% to blame for cheating, but recognize that your actions may have played a role:
Make no mistake about it: your wife's decision to cheat was hers and hers alone. She deserves full responsibility for her actions. And yet, it is important for you to recognize that these things do not happen in a vacuum. It is likely that you both had a part to play in the unhappiness in your marriage that led up to her affair.
5. If you believe the marriage is worth saving, put together a plan for winning her back:
Based upon your answers to the questions and ideas above, you may decide that it is very much worth getting your marriage back on track. The first step will be to put together a plan for repairing the damaged trust and hurt feelings.
Take these 5 steps on your way to restoring your marriage after your wife's affair.