How to Deal With Disappointments After Failed Marriages

in Marriage

Much disappointment is brought about by leaving a marriage. It takes a lot of time and thought to commit to marrying someone, and most critiques of failed marriages do not see the trials that a woman undergoes to prevent the breakdown of what she hoped would last. The words "till death do us part" are not easily forgotten, and it is always with reluctance and true "irreconcilable differences" that a woman lets go.

Don't Blame Yourself

Feelings of disappointment are a natural response to expectations and anticipated ends. Disappointment in a failed marriage is logical. Women deal with disappointment in a variety of ways. In doing so, remember not to bear the brunt of the entire blame all on yourself. Disappointment coupled with regret and feelings of personal accountability are often unfounded and only lead to other complications, such as depression. 

Take an Objective Self-Evaluation

If you are a woman who has recently left your marriage, avoid unnecessary and harmful disappointment. Just as in grieving, there are phases that one usually must go through to fully move on. But in the end, you must move on. Most women tend to downplay all the efforts they have made to save a marriage, sometimes even while the other partner is already doing everything to end it all. Some others condemn all their attempts to save the relationship as insufficient, that there are many other remedies that should have been tried. If you are experiencing any of these, take an objective evaluation of your relationship. Instead of regret and self-blame, acknowledge and find whatever satisfaction you can in the fact that you have, in reality, turned every stone in the search for ways to save your relationship. Accept that sometimes, terminating marriage is itself necessary for your own welfare and happiness.

Let Others In

Another tendency for women experiencing disappointment is to hole up in a corner and try nursing their hurts away all by themselves. However, in the face of marital breakdown the first thing you should learn is what friendship means. Let people into your life in this point in time when you need help, solace, and companionship most. Many people are willing to show empathy, especially to a case such as a failed marriage. There is a growing number of people who have also felt the same emotions and have passed through the same trials, in other relationships if not in marriage, and they are usually willing to lend a helping hand, or a shoulder to cry on.

Focus and Compartmentalize

Disappointments also have a tendency to spill over to your everyday life. Asking you to focus on anything but the chaos around you may seem like asking for too much, but this essential skill can save you from a melancholy that may drag down other aspects of your life: your job, your friends, etc. Learning to focus at this crucial time on other things is the key to compartmentalizing your disappointment and eventually learning to take back the pieces you may have left behind, and beginning anew.

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Vanaja Ghose has 1 articles online

About the Author:
Vanaja Ghose (http://www.leavingyourmarriage.com/?page_id=5) is a Professional Life Coach helping women who chose to leave their marriage or long term relationship and now want to powerfully recreate their lives. Download your FREE mp3 audio on "Nine Steps to Building a New Life After Divorce" and contact Vanaja for a free 30-minute strategy session at http://www.LeavingYourMarriage.com/

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How to Deal With Disappointments After Failed Marriages

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This article was published on 2010/03/28
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